Dear Smokey Locke.
So, um, you’re kinda scary. And not in a mysterious, smoldering kinda way. More in a “I’m going to cause the apocalypse” kinda way. You want off the Island? Why do I think that’s not the best idea for anyone but you?
First we get the “Smokey-cam” point of view shot, which was very Sam Rami-ish and kinda cool. I guess you don’t know who Sam Rami is, since you’ve been on the Island for a long time. Too bad, because he makes some cool movies. Anyway, then you’re talking with Richard about Locke being a candidate. Candidate for what? Not prom king, I guess. To replace Jacob? Like all those other names with numbers? Why did Jacob need a replacement? Is he getting laid off? Do Immortals get unemployment?
So Richard bails on you (he really looked scared!) and you go find Sawyer. Ah, Sawyer. Can he get any more awesome? Drinking whiskey. Listening to the Stooges. Reading Steinbeck. Just. . .awesome. Plus he can see the boy in the woods! Who is that?! He knows about The Rules. You look kinda afraid of him. Plus you dropped the old Locke “Don’t tell me!” line. Maybe it’s New Jacob. Or Aaron!
Anyway, I’m pretty convinced you’re evil and kinda want Sawyer to shoot you in the head. But don’t hold that against me.
Love,
me
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P.S.
Dear Jacob,
Even though you’re dead I’m sure you still have internet access. Just wanted to say thanks for bringing the numbers back into play last week. Boy, you certainly had a lot of candidates scrawled on that ceiling. Next time I’d just pick up a Trapper Keeper, some notebook paper and a Sharpie and be done with it. My arm hurts just thinking of all that overhead scratching.
Another thing I was wondering about – did you routinely soak your clothes in kerosene or acetone or some other accelerant , cuz man, you really burn fast when you get kicked into a fire. When you do come back (you’re not fooling anyone, btw) I’d recommend adding some flame retardant clothes to your list. I picture you as more of a Target guy versus a Wal-Mart guy. Am I right?
That’s all for today, big guy. Get not dead soon.
Cheers, Lyco
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p.s.
Hey, Smokey-Locke, can you forward this to Jacob when he comes back (he’s not fooling anyone, ya know). Thanks.
Dear Jacob,
Nice work on the cave ceiling. Thanks for bringing the numbers back into focus, too. I was wondering when they’d be back. Boy, you sure have a lot of candidates scrawled on that ceiling don’t you? Ya know, next time I’d think about getting a Trapper Keeper, some notebook paper and a Sharpie and just be done with it. My arm hurts just thinking of all that overhead scratching.
Another thing I’ve been meaning to ask you: Did you routinely soak your clothes in petrol, kerosene or some other accelerant? Cuz, man, you sure do burn fast when you get kicked into a fire. I’d add some flame retardant gear to your list. I picture you as more of a Target kind of guy versus a Wal-Mart guy. Am I right?
Anyway, that’s all for now. Get not dead soon, k?
Cheers – Lyco
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Those are awesome!
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